This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
