Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
