I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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