I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
