Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Floor bacon is actually really good
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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