As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
