You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
