nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We have so much sex to catch up on
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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