and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
