if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
