The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
