you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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