On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
