He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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