so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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