u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
