So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
