bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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