That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
