By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
