my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
