i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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