MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
