every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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