I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
