like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
