he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
