Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
