would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
