the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
