It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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