Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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