did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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