Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
