Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
