I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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