ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
