I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
