your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
