I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
