Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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