i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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