Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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