I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
