from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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