Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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