He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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