What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
May the power of my ass compel you!!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
