Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
