you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize