when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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