Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
