I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
