I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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