we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
