I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize