His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
