fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
