I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
