i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize