Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Randomize
