pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
