shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize