why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
