i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
