I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
