Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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