I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
