Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
