Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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