god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Small penises have feelings too.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
