no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
