kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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