her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
foreskin is a definite game changer
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
