I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
